Narrated Abu Hurayrah:
The Prophet (ﷺ) said: A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend. (Sunan Abi Dawud 4833)
A good friend and companion is the greatest gift of God. In adversity, a friend only is the refuge for a person and solace for his heart and soul. In this world, that is full of hardships and hurdles, presence of a true friend is absolutely necessary for every individual. One who doesn’t have any friend, will be like a person, all alone, away from home. He will not have anyone to commiserate with him in the times of need.
There are three types of friends mentioned by Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen in Sharh Hilyati Taalibil Ilm’:
1 – The Freeloader Friend:
A freeloader friends befriends you as along as he benefits from you – either by way of wealth or status, or other than that. If this benefit ceases, he becomes an enemy of yours- considers you as someone he does not knows and vice versa. How numerous are those who defame [others when they spend in] charity! When given from it, they are pleased; but if not given, they get angered. You see a bosom friend of yours the most noble in your eyes and vice versa asks you, one days, saying, ‘’Give me your book’’; so, you say, ‘’I’m in need of it today and will give it to you tomorrow’’; so, he shows you enmity. This is a freeloader friend.
This type of friend is mentioned in the Quran as “Khazool” (خَذُولً = a deserter). The type of friend who shows loyalty until you really need them or rely on them then the true colors show. You think that they are sincere but are actually using you. A Khazul to a human being is Shaytan. He offers you an immediate pleasure. At convenient times he remains with you, but when you in trouble that kind of friend disappears. We should be very careful falling into Shaytan’s net. In Surah Al- Furqan , it says:
لَّقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنِي ۗ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنسَانِ خَذُولًا – 25:29
“He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter.”
2 – The Friend of Pleasure Seeking:
This friend befriends you not, except due [to the fact] that he enjoys sitting and speaking with you, and for the sake of chatting and socialising; however, neither does he benefit you nor does he benefit from you. Neither party benefit from the other, rather [you] only waste time. This is also a type of friend to beware of.
This type of friend is mentioned in the Quran as “Qareen” (قَرِينٌ = a close companion). The word Qareen actually comes from the Arabic term Qiraan, which means ‘a rope that ties two camels together’. Hence, Qareen is a kind of friend with whom you have a lot in common and spend most time with. Such a friend is always around you. He emails you or texts you when there is a game or a party in some club. And then later when you realize they are unpleasing to Allah and you don’t want to do such things any more. Your qareen makes that call and asks you to join him for some drinks and you refuse, “No!” or just a “No, not this time.” And they make fun of you and say, “All of a sudden you are righteous?“. So then your in Jannah, and you remember this moment and the qareen who is by now in hell. And you have new friends in Jannah and want to see this qareen and the guy is burning in hell. So you say, “I swear by Allah you almost made me trip into the hell fire, I was ALMOST destroyed.” And Allah helped you onto the right path by just saying No!
In Surah As-Saffat, Allah says,
قَالَ قَائِلٌ مِّنْهُمْ إِنِّي كَانَ لِي قَرِينٌ – 37:51
A speaker among them will say, “Indeed, I had a companion [on earth]
يَقُولُ أَإِنَّكَ لَمِنَ الْمُصَدِّقِينَ – 37:52
Who would say, ‘Are you indeed of those who believe
أَإِذَا مِتْنَا وَكُنَّا تُرَابًا وَعِظَامًا أَإِنَّا لَمَدِينُونَ – 37:53
That when we have died and become dust and bones, we will indeed be recompensed?’
قَالَ هَلْ أَنتُم مُّطَّلِعُونَ – 37:54
He will say, “Would you [care to] look?”
فَاطَّلَعَ فَرَآهُ فِي سَوَاءِ الْجَحِيمِ – 37:55
And he will look and see him in the midst of the Hellfire.
قَالَ تَاللَّهِ إِن كِدتَّ لَتُرْدِينِ – 37:56
He will say, “By Allah, you almost ruined me.
3 – The Friend of Virtue:
This type of friend leads you to what beautifies [your character etc], forbids you from what dishonors [or discredits] you, opens doors of good for you and guides you to it. And if you make a mistake, he informs you in a manner that does not blemish your honor.
This type of friend is mentioned in the Quran as “Rafeeq” (رفيق = a reliable friend). Rafeeq comes from the Arabic word Mirfaq which means ‘a pillow; something on which you relax when you are exhausted’. A Rafeeq is a kind of friend that you can count on in the hour of need. Such a friend gives sincere advice and is a source of comfort.
In Surah Nisa, Allah says:
وَمَن يُطِعِ اللَّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ فَأُولَٰئِكَ مَعَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِم مِّنَ النَّبِيِّينَ وَالصِّدِّيقِينَ وَالشُّهَدَاءِ وَالصَّالِحِينَ ۚ وَحَسُنَ أُولَٰئِكَ رَفِيقًا – 4:69
And whoever obeys Allah and the Messenger – those will be with the ones upon whom Allah has bestowed favor of the prophets, the steadfast affirmers of truth, the martyrs and the righteous. And excellent these companions are!
Allah (swt) explains that a person’s Rufaqah are Nabiyeen, Siddiqeen, Shuhada and Saliheen.
- Firstly, the prophets are our Rafeeq.
- Then the Siddiqeen: those who relentlessly confirm the truth.
- Thirdly, the Shuhada: those who bear witness of the truth. These are the people who live Islam and are not afraid to show it.
- Lastly, the Saliheen: the righteous people are our Rafeeq.
These are the people upon whom one can depend.
In order to gauge who Rafeeq is, one should consider the character of a particular person. Does interaction with him or her make you a better person? One should befriend people who live Islam. They do not give in to temptations. Instead, they live life for a higher purpose.
Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen writes:
“Freeloader Friends are more numerous because the means of benefiting [others] are numerous; therefore, if you see that this man has not befriended you except due to receiving [worldly] benefit from you, then know that he is an enemy and not a friend. A Friend of Pleasure Seeking busies and distracts you with enjoyment through chatting [or spending the night in chatting], time wasting in the amusement parks and other than that. As for this type of person, there is no good in him; rather the one who should firmly cling to is the Friend of Virtue -the one who leads you towards every virtuous deed and forbids you from every evil.“ [Sharh Hilyati Taalibil Ilm’ pages 159-160’]
