Bismillah
Revive a Sunnah: Expressing Love to Your Child
“How we behave as adults often depends on how we were raised as kids.”
How your child expresses his or her love for you depends on how you express your love for him or her. You are the role model for your child. When you express your love, it improves your relationship with that person. She or he will feel confident in your love. There’s nothing like being loved to boost self-esteem.
The first thing that easily comes to mind when you think of telling someone that you love them is to say “I love you”. Three simple little words that are sometimes so hard to say but can have the power to strengthen relationships into a tight bond. If you love your children (and of course you do), then let them know through words as well. Say “I love you” often.
Allah’s Messenger Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam asked thrice, “Where is the small (child)?” Then he said, “Call Al-Hasan bin Ali.” So Al-Hasan binAli got up and started walking with a necklace (of beads) around his neck. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam stretched his hand out like this, and Al-Hasan did the same. The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam embraced him and said, “0 Allah! l love him, so please love him and love those who love him.” [Bukhari]
The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam was always patient and considerate with children.
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin Shaddad, this his father said: “The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam came out to us for one of the night prayers, and he was carrying Hasan or Husain. The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam came forward and put him down, then he said the Takbir and started to pray. He prostrated during his prayer, and made the prostration lengthy.” My father said: “I raised my head and saw the child on the back of the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam while he was prostrating so I went back to my prostration. When the Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam finished praying, the people said: “O Messenger of Allah Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam, you prostrated during the prayer for so long that we thought that something had happened or that you were receiving a revelation.’ He said: ‘No such thing happened. But my son was riding on my back and I did not like to disturb him until he had enough.’” [Nasai]
There is a famous saying attributed to Ali Ibn Ṭâlib that you should play with your children until they are seven years old, then teach them for the next seven, and befriend them for the next seven years.
Ya’la ibn Murra said, “We went out with the Prophet, Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam, and we were invited to eat. Husayn was playing in the road and the Prophet, Sallallahu Alayhi Wassalam, raced the people and then spread out his arms. The boy began to run this way and that and the Prophet made him laugh until he caught hold of him. He put one of his hands under his chin and the other on his head and then embraced him… [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]
Know that love is in little things. Sometimes it’s in words. Sometimes it’s in hugs and kisses. Sometimes it’s in gifts. Sometimes it’s in smile and laughter. Sometimes it’s in letting go!
So much of the peaceful parenting lies in letting go…
Letting go of the mess they make in the area you just cleaned
Letting go of the wall they painted out of creative curiosity.
Letting go of the book they drew on out of imaginative spur.
Letting go of the bad grades they scored in school
And the list goes on…
Remember that angels are not even writing their “sins” yet (till they are adults), even if they deliberately break a precious piece of crockery, or touch anything in our cupboards or drawers that we have kept strictly off limits – but they are surely writing YOUR words and actions
.
The idea of letting go is to find solutions together. It doesn’t mean spoiling your child, but it simply means not spoiling ourselves in the process. Not burying our kind souls in the process. Not forgetting to be patient in the process. Not losing our temper in the process… And Allah knows best.
Ya Allah, we submit ourselves to You. We realised that parenting a child is a very difficult task and we turn to You in humility for Your help. We implore You for Your Wisdom and Guidance.
Ya Allah, we know that our children are an amaanat (trust) from You, to care for and to raise in a manner that is pleasing to You. Help us do that in the best way.
Teach us how to love in a way that You would have us love.
Aameen Ya Rabbal Alameen